Shakespeare wrote that "all the world's a stage."

Works for me. You see I love an audience. Perhaps you do too. Many of my friends are performers of one sort or another: comedians, actors, singers, musicians, dancers, writers, etc. They also seem to love an audience.

Here's the problem: I don't like to brag or show off. Well, that's not exactly true. I love to brag and show off, but I was raised so that I feel uncomfortable doing it. It is vain. Being a show-off.

So I try to stifle my need for an audience when it comes to talking about myself or my periodic accomplishments. Recently, a book of my columns came out (notice that I didn't even say "I wrote a book" or "I put out a book.."). But I have great difficulty telling people about it. Not really a desirable attribute when it comes to marketing. After a recent talk at a pre-school, I actually did show the book and sold a few copies, but felt very uncomfortable doing so. When my wife held a fund-raiser for the not-for-profit counseling agency she runs (for children of divorce; called "Kids in the Middle"), I offered to donate copies of the book and sign them to raise money (with the generous support of the publisher, Character Development Group). We raised $500, but I felt awkward throughout the entire process.

Another event led me to reflect on this question of needing an audience to admire my accomplishments; I just want someone to share the satisfaction of success with. In the past year, both of my parents died; my mother more recently in February. I feel that loss in many ways, and one of them is the daily phone call I had with them (they lived in Florida and I live in Missouri). Nearly every morning (usually during drive time to work on workdays) I would call and just check in.

But I feel this most poignantly when I have news to share. Most days, there was nothing marked to discuss so we chatted about mundane matters ("So what are you guys doing today?" or "It is freezing here. What's the weather in Florida?" or "How was your lunch with Ruth yesterday?"). But when I had news ("Danny won an award for pottery at school" or "Judy got the job!" or "I was invited to Taiwan to lecture"), I was most excited to call and share it with them.

What I took for granted until now was that they were my best audience. You see, with my parents I could indulge in guilt-free bragging! After all, I firmly believe that your parents should be proud of you. And therefore it is fair game to give them something to be proud of. So, in some sense, it is not really bragging. Rather it is part of the fabric of love and connectedness between parent and child.

It starts (or should in healthy relationships) with the enthusiastic affirmations of babies and toddlers. "What good boy you are!" "You ate it all by yourself!" "Look how fast you can run!" "Sooooooooo big!" "What does the doggie say?...Very good!"

In Yiddish there is a word ("kvell") that means you derive strong pride about someone else. I have almost only heard it applied to a parent "kvelling" over his or her child. "My son the doctor!"

I know my parents kvelled about me. I was told many times by other relatives or their friends how proud my parents were of me.

As a very young child this can build a positive self-concept, appropriate self-esteem, self-confidence, and a positive outlook on life including a sense of optimism. Quite a magic character elixir.

And I took that for granted. My parents were my best audience. They kvelled endlessly. Newspaper articles about me were strategically placed around their home. They kept copies of my technical publications which few people could really understand. My dissertation and masters thesis were on display. You get the idea.

And I took all that for granted. They were my source of guilt-free pride. Pride may be a cardinal sin, but I think there is an exemption when it is displayed for one's parents. You see, pride is a sin when it is done to make another feel inferior to you. When they are hurt or diminished by it. But my parents exalted in my accomplishments. For I am part of them and they are part of me. That is a free pass for sin. There are few of those to be gotten.

And I took it for granted.

And now my mother and father are gone. And with them my best audience.

So think about your parents, if you are still blessed to have them around, and your children, if they are still here for you. Be sure to let your parents get their deserved vicarious pride through even the little victories and successes in your life. And make sure your children know you are proud of them.

You can build character and partake of one of the few guilt-free pleasures in life.

Dr. Marvin W. Berkowitz, a developmental psychologist with expertise in child and adolescent moral and character development, is the Sanford N. McDonnell Professor of Character Education at the University of Missouri-St. Louis. He can be reached at berkowitz@umsl.edu.