A major gap in the post-divorce literature has been the long-term effects of divorce on children. With more than 40% of first marriages and 50% of second marriages ending in divorce, the need for a major contribution to our understanding of the consequences of divorce has been provided by Constance Ahrons, one of the premier researchers on divorce and children.

She points out that American culture clings to the belief that families cannot exist outside marriage, ignoring healthy families that do not fit the nuclear (intact two-parent) and maintaining stories that divorce destroys families and harms children.

Ahrons offers that societal stereotypes and the stigma attached to divorce lead parents to blame whatever problems children experience as caused by divorce. Children are encouraged to blame divorce for their unhappiness and teachers are quick to attach the cause of misbehavior to divorce.

She suggests that parents considering staying together or divorcing ask themselves the following questions:

Does their unhappiness result in anger or depression that hinders parenting effectively?
Do they have a cold relationship that makes the home unhealthy for children?
Do they lack mutual respect, caring and interest so that they set a poor model for the children?
Children experience other major stressful events as they grow older - such as the death of a sibling or grandparent, economic upheaval within the family, substance abuse by one or both parents or a parent's mental illness.

Over the 20 years since the study started from a random selection of 98 pairs of parents divorced for a year, she was able to track and interview 173 of their children (now age 21 to 47) All but four of the parents in the original study remarried and two-thirds of the children had stepmothers and stepfathers. One-fifth had a half-sibling.

For most children, parental divorce was a painful experience that they did not want to repeat. The first two years following divorce was the major crisis stage for children. They felt angry, sad, depressed and confused about what the future will bring.

Yet the majority of children - in adulthood - supported their parents' decision to divorce. The scholar found:

76% did not wish the parents were still together
79% felt their parents' decision to divorce was a good decision
78% said they were not affected or were better off because of their parents' divorce.
Ahrons reported that the children were better educated than their parents. Almost one-fourth had graduate degrees and one-third completed college. Only 3 percent did not complete high school. They also married at least five years later than their parents. (First marriages in the mid-20s are less likely to result in divorce than are marriages at an earlier age.)

Twenty percent reported their parents' divorce was detrimental and left permanent emotional scars, but they attributed it to the high degree of parental conflict pre- and post-divorce.

Many children reported they learned positive ways to resolve conflict from the second marriage of their parents. That is consistent with other research that suggests children lack role models for healthy problem solving when exposed to arguments, constant bickering and fighting at home.

The book concludes that most children of divorced parents did well and were successful in early adulthood.