Issue:
607 Date: 04/11/2002 
To Jackie Chan: Happy 48th Birthday!
From St. Louis Fans
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Ms. Susan
Keo, chairperson of the St. Louis Jackie Chan fans club,
organized this birthday party at Chong Jing Chinese restaurant
on April 6, 2002.
 
 
This
page was written by Jackie sent out to his fans, where he talks about his personal feelings after the tragic loss of his mother, who passed away on February 28th this year.
By Jackie Chan
Date: February 28, 2002
My manager Willie called me up and spoke to me in a strange voice. He quietly told me to sit down to remain calm and not to yell. He paused for a minute then said, " Your mother passed away,"
I wasn't sure what I should do next. I had two choices. I could immediately go back to Australia or I could stay and work. We had over 300 people on staff and I knew we couldn't afford to stop production for a day, let alone a week. I decided I had to help out and stay to finish the film. I knew my mother would forgive me.
After we wrapped, I got into my Mitsubishi and drove myself home like I normally do. I was almost home before my tears started to fall. My staff was shocked. They had no idea what had happened.
The last time I experience such overwhelming grief was three years ago when my godfather Mr. Leonard Ho passed away. Coincidentally, I was also on a movie set that day.
I had to refocus. My work was not done for the day. I showered and went to edit. It was after 2am before I crawled into bed. With nothing and no one to distract me, in the dark, alone, I finally allowed my tears to flow, uninterrupted.
Memories of my mother came flooding into my mind. Live scenes from a silent movie, her image played and replayed behind the closed lids of my eyes, I felt depressed I couldn't sleep that night.
The next day, I spent 16 hours in the water to shoot a difficult and dangerous stunt. Between shots I sat quietly by myself people kept coming up to me, wanting to know if I needed a towel, some water or food. They wanted to know if I were tired, if I were feeling well and why I was so quiet. I just smiled and said I was "Thinking" about the stunt. I still had not told anyone.
I had a hard time concentrating on the set. I felt numb. My thoughts kept drifting to my mother. I couldn't help but wonder if I had done the right thing by insisting she retire awhile back. It was soon after she quit the embassy that her health declined. Three years ago she had asked me to end her misery but I kept encouraging her to embrace life.
Perhaps I should have allowed her to continue to work. Maybe walking on and down the steep stairs at the Embassy did her more good than harm.
My mother was a very proud woman. She would never accept my money. She always insisted that she earn her own money. "Your money is your money, son", she often told me.
Poor mom, all her life she worked so hard! When she finally too time off, she got sick. She never had the chance to live the good life I wanted her to have.
While I seek fame, my mother seek anonymity. When she came to visit me in Hong Kong, she avoided people at all costs. I remember once she hid in a van to avoid the press. Lying low on the cap floor in the small space between the front and the back row of seats, she prayed no one would find her and reveal her identify.
Even though I miss her very much, I know she is no longer in pain. I hope she is happy and comfortable in heaven. My mother has taught me that only through hard work can one's life be meaningful. I will continue to do the best I can so that my mother can always be proud of me.
After filming my last scene in "Highbinders", I went straight to the airport to catch a flight to Australia. When I reached my home, I quickly followed the Chinese tradition of
burning incense and bowing in front of my mother's framed photo.
I silently walked around the house, touching the possessions she left behind. My father and I comforted each other, talking until 6am. I just slept for 1 1/2 hours before heading to the funeral at 8am.
I reminded my family that we should all feel cheerful because being able to live past the age of 80 is a blessing in the Chinese culture. We had to celebrate the life she had spent with us. I wanted everybody who attended to be happy, not sad.
A lot of people attended the funeral. Family, friends and the press came to pay their last respects to my mother. The Mayor
Mr. Jon Stanhope, The former Mayor, Ms Kate Carnell and ?All came to show their love and support. I knew my mother would not have been pleased to see so many people making such a big fuss over her. At the same time, how could she be displeased to know that people held her in such high esteem that they traveled from all over the world to say farewell, one for the last time.
The former Mayor read the eulogy. He described how my mother loved me so much that she would carry a heavy bucket of water from the mountain, to the ferry, and from the ferry to my school, just so she could give me a clean bath.
I tried to keep my composure, even as tears swelled up in my eyes. I had to keep silent because I didn't want to interrupt the service. However, once he finished, the Chinese translator repeated the same story.
The painful image of my mother carrying such a heavy burden for so many miles was more than I could bear. I could no longer control myself as tears poured down my face. Once I started to cry, I couldn't stop within seconds, the entire room was sobbing-so much for trying to keep a happy face.
After the service, we slowly walked to her final resting place on top of a mountain. I threw in the first fistful and the last bucketful of dirt as she was lowered into the ground.
When my dad started to cry, I felt overwhelmed with sadness. I hugged him and said, "Don't Worry Dad, I'll always be beside you."
That night, I had dinner with our family and friends who attended my mother's funeral. After making sure my dad was all right, I packed and drove back to Sydney to fly to Bangkok. |
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