(From
L to R) Andrea's mother Rose Luh, grandparents Dr. and
Mrs. Lui and Andrea Lui
By Rose Luh
For thousands of years, scholars have ranked at the very top of Chinese society. And so, all Chinese parents want their children to do well in school. And since, it is my daughter, Andrea Lui, who made perfect scores on both the ACT and SAT (college entrance exams), what role, if any, did I play in her achievement?
Since she is my daughter, she obviously was lucky in getting some of my better genes, as well as, perhaps, better genes from her father as well as grandparents. She may have inherited the most from Dr. Luh, whom many of you know to be a very smart man. This is "nature's" contribution.
What about "nurture"? Of course I hope I played a part. I guess my father thought so because, interestingly, not too long ago, he asked, "Who's going to push Andrea in college?" I have full confidence that Andrea will push herself, but I never really thought too much about my role until now ¡V since people are asking me what I've done.
My general advice would be: Push, but don't push too hard. Strict requirements are not effective. Know your child well and know what they are capable of doing. For example, in 5th grade, Andrea got a 96 on a math test. My response was, "That's pretty good; what did you get wrong?" She answered it was a careless mistake, in which case I responded that she should double-check her work. I always try to ask what she gets wrong, so that she knows what she needs to do to get those "wrongs" changed to "rights". It could mean being more careful, or it could mean getting some help from the teacher.
My child is obviously smart, but I think all children can benefit from parents monitoring homework. One time Andrea got far behind in math assignments, so I told her to do her work at the dining table and made sure she caught up before she could return to studying in front of the computer.
Yes, she studies in front of the computer. When she first started doing this, I would check on her every half hour or so to make sure she was getting her homework done. Now I have noticed that she would get off the computer when she really needs to get work done. She doesn't play many games, just talks to her friends on-line. She brings in good grades, so I let it go.
Going back to the younger years, my daughter used to love to read, especially mysteries. Always encourage reading. And always encourage curiosity and questions. And if you can't answer something, try to tell them where they can find the answer, or try to find the answer for them. No question is a bad question.
Now fast forward to taking the SAT's and ACT's, and Andrea's preparation. In freshman year at school, they started studying a book of "Hot Words for the SAT." In junior year they offered a mini version of the preparation course. I chose not to enroll Andrea because the counselor said very bright students don't always gain from them. So, instead, I bought a book of practice tests from the bookstore and left it up to Andrea to do these tests. She would especially work on her weak areas.
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." The first time Andrea took the SAT, she got 790 Verbal and 730 Math. She took it a second time because Harvey Mudd, her college choice, offered a scholarship to those who score at least a 750 in Math. She got the 1600 on the second try. Andrea got a 35 (perfect is 36) on her first try on the ACT. That's obviously an excellent score. But she just thought it would be "cool" to get 2 perfect scores, so she kept trying. I didn't mind paying multiple test fees because I thought this to be an admirable goal. I was actually ready to console her about not getting the 36 when, one day, she excitedly told me she got it!
Even though I am extremely proud of my daughter's academic achievements, I am more proud of the fact that she has won her school's De Sales award 2 years in a row. This award is voted on by her classmates. It is given to the student who best exemplifies the theme chosen for that school year. One year the theme was "Kindness," and the other year, "Respect." The reason I am even prouder of these achievements is because my daughter is extremely shy.
Does she have other detrimental qualities? You bet! She's very messy. (I just don't let it bother me because I hate nagging.) But she is tidy and helpful at other people's homes. She also procrastinates, but even though she stays up late sometimes, she does a good job and gets her work done. I just make her take a nap the next day to catch up on sleep.
Is she spoiled? Probably. But she knows she's spoiled, and she knows that if she wants me to be nice to her, she has to be nice to me. And being nice to me includes getting good grades.
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