These columns are about parenting for character; about how parents can positively impact on the development of character in their children. So, of course, they typically deal with what parents should do, what parents should think about, and so on.

And kids are the canvass upon which parents paint their parenting pictures.

But sometimes those pictures are not so pretty. Nor supportive of children's character development.

I was reading the sports section of the newspaper the other day (a daily ritual of mine as I am a sports nut) and read an article about Jermaine O'Neal of the Indiana Pacers. For those of you who are not obsessed with sports, O'Neal is one of those high school to pro sports prodigies who has become a super star. He also was one of the protagonists in this season's NBA travesty (which some are calling "basketbrawl") in which players brawled with fans, some still in the stands. There are ongoing legal proceedings and unprecedented suspensions by the NBA (including O'Neal).

According to this article, O'Neal is generally a good citizen and this was an aberration. But the most interesting part of the article, which was focally about his increased resolve to demonstrate that he has good character and is a strong contributor to his team, is that his new "resolution" was triggered by his 4 year old daughter.

You see, he had been shielding her from the news of his involvement in the basketbrawl. But he forgot one cardinal rule of parenting: kids are exposed to more than just what you are aware of.

He was stunned when she announced that it was unfair he was suspended because he only threw one punch. He didn't even know she knew about the event.

It was there apparently that the light bulb went off for him. His daughter not only taught him that he is an important role model for her even when he is not in her presence, but that he had to think about the way he lives his life differently because he has a child. As he said, one thing that will not change is that he is a parent to his daughter. That is a constant, a given. A foundation upon which to predict and shape his life.

We all need to keep this in the front of our consciousness. We are always models for our children. We need to shape and direct our lives so as to be the kind of persons they will be proud of, but more importantly the kind of person we want them to be.

And we can't hide behind the self-delusion that "they won't notice" or that "what they don't know can't hurt them."

It can and it likely will. They very well may come to know what you didn't want or expect them to know. And by monitoring how you live your life (through the imagined eyes of your children) you are shaping your own character which ultimately will shape theirs.