Kimberly J. M. Keller, M.S., CFLE, University of Missouri ExtensionKimberly Downs, MS, CFLE, ParentLink, University of Missouri ExtensionKim Leon, Human Development & Family Studies, University of MissouriSandi Lillard, MSW, LCSW, Former ParentLink, University of Missouri Extension
Should I let my children watch television on Sept 11th when they are replaying the destruction of the World Trade Centers?
Repeatedly watching disaster footage can be disturbing to anyone, not just children. Try to plan which programs your family will watch. Planning ahead gives you time to decide whether programs are in your child's best interest. It also gives you a chance to plan your family's schedules so that you can watch adult programs, such as the news, without your child. Unless you keep the television completely off during the day, you will see some information about Sept. 11th. Already many television stations have announced some of the types of shows they will be showing-commemorations, historical shows, patriotic shows, documentaries, and so forth.
Don't just leave the TV on. Choose programs that will provide the information or experiences that will be educational or healing experiences for your family. Think about including programming geared toward your child's age and level of development. Talking with your child about the programs you watch will help you to connect as a family and clear up confusing information. This is an important time to talk about safety, war, peace, forgiveness, and many other issues.
The Sept 11th terrorist incident was very upsetting to my child, how should I handle the upcoming anniversary?Talk with your child when she seems interested, letting her finish her thoughts and sentences. It may be tempting to finish them for her, but hearing all that she has to say shows that you value her thoughts and feelings. If you are too busy to give your child your full attention, set a time when you can talk and listen comfortably - and keep the appointment.
Talk openly and honestly while keeping in mind your child's age and level of development. Young children, especially, can be frightened by too many details. If your child was born before the September 11 events, keep in mind that your child has very different developmental skills now than she did back in 2001. With children of all ages use language your child can understand and don't be afraid to say, "I don't know" if you don't know the answer to your child's question. Let your child know that sometimes things happen that are confusing to adults, too, and reassure your child that you will always try to keep her safe. Talk with each child individually, if possible. This helps to meet their different needs for information and keep any one child from taking over the conversation.
Are there appropriate ways for our school to commemorate the Sept 11th terrorist events with school-age children?Although it is important to honor those who were lost that day, it may be most helpful for children to focus their energies in a positive way. For example, activities that promote patriotism or that recognize the importance of police and firefighters may be appropriate activities. Another idea would be to focus on activities that would help make your community a better place, such as planting flower gardens or forming a recycling drive. This is also a good opportunity to discuss diversity, tolerance, and discrimination.
Should our pre-school do anything special on the Sept 11th anniversary?It is important to answer children's questions if they're curious, but remember that these events probably happened before they were born. Younger children may not have specific memories of the events, but the anniversary may trigger an emotional memory. Children are also affected by their parents' emotions. For both of these reasons it is possible to see some signs of stress in children. It is also important to keep in mind with children this age that graphic details may be disturbing. Even an overheard comment from one teacher to another can activate a child's fears. If your pre-school would like to plan an activity consistent with other commemorative events, keep it simple - you do not need to address the specific events that happened. However, you may plan a day where the children learn about firefighters, police officers, or other civic leaders. Or you might present activities that emphasize that everyone is equal, even though no two of us are exactly alike.
Staff at our child care center is worried about how the children in our care might be affected by the September 11 anniversary. What might alert us to children who are distressed by what they see on television or hear from parents or older children?
Children don't always have the verbal skills to identify or talk about what's bothering them. The best way to tell how children are feeling is to watch their behavior. Young children respond to distressing or frightening events in a variety of ways. Some signs of stress in young children are: Behavior the child had outgrown-thumb sucking, toilet accidents, bedwetting, or relying on a security object such as a blanket or stuffed animal. Aggressive behavior Withdrawn behavior ?Acting out the stressful event in play, using aggressive play themes, or drawing pictures of the stressful event ?Clinginess with parents or teachers; difficulty separating from parents ?Moodiness, fussiness, or tantrums Physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomachaches; changes in appetite or sleep patterns Resistance to routine events such as meals, nap or bedtime.
It is important to keep in mind that many preschool-age children show these behaviors from time to time. The key thing to look for is a significant increase in the above behaviors or behavior that is not typical for the particular child.
Who can I talk to about other questions regarding the 9-11 Anniversary?One of the important ways that parents can cope with all types of stressful situations including issues related to the Sept 11th Anniversary seeking help from others. ParentLink at the University of Missouri provides a Warmline that is answered by professionals who are willing to talk through stressful issues: http://outreach.missouri.edu/parentlink/. In addition ParentLink can help parents deal with issues related to discipline, sexuality, special health needs and much more. You can reach ParentLink by calling 1-800-552-8522 (M-F, 8:00 am - 5:00 pm) or by sending email to parentlink@missouri.edu
What are some resources and activities for parents and teachers to use during Sept 11 anniversary events?Helping America Cope. This updated guide contains information and activities to help parents and children cope with the anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, and will assist with fears and feelings in the wake of the attacks, the ongoing war on terrorism and continued terrorist threats. The book is designed for use with children 6-12 years of age, however many of the activities have effectively been adapted for use with older children. http://www.7-dippity.com/other/op_freedownloads.html
Dealing with the September 11 Tragedies: Helping Children Overcome Prejudice http://outreach.missouri.edu/parentlink/Terrorism/Prejudice.htm
ParentLink's Tips for Helping Your Children Deal with the September 11, 2001 Tragedy http://outreach.missouri.edu/parentlink/Terrorism/TragedyTips.htm
Sept 11 Anniversary ResourcesNational Association of School PsychologistsThis is an extensive set of resources for teachers and parents about 9-11 anniversary issues. There are tips for parents with children of all age groups, suggestions for school activities and crisis materials.
Talking to Children About Terrorism and Armed Conflict by Judith A. Myers-WallsHere is an excellent summary of research and practical suggestions about talking to children about war and terrorism. This is good resource for educators who want to understand about the most effective ways to work with children on these issues. This article was written after the 9-11 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pub/2002w/myers-wall.html
Terrorism and Children, Judith A. Myers-WallsThis is a collection of resources and ideas about helping children deal with war and terrorism in general. This may be most helpful as background material for teachers. http://www.ces.purdue.edu/terrorism/children/ |
