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by Larry Deutsch, YIN
For most youngsters, the everyday communication with parents or guardians suffers a slight breakdown as they reach their teenage years. The reason for this is simple, as a young person approaches adulthood; he or she begins to demonstrate independence and therefore becomes less reliant on others. Although teenagers may find it difficult to share their thoughts and feelings with older adults, it is extremely important that they do so. Improved parental communication can connect teens with the valuable knowledge of a more experienced person who conveniently has nothing but their best interests in mind. Furthermore, this increased communication can help to prevent misunderstandings or conflicts and ultimately can bring teen and parent closer than they have ever been.
Teenagers who too quickly tend to lose their cool with a parent or guardian should remember that being a parent is an extremely tough job. This person must play the roles of teacher, counselor, and guardian in the lives of each of their children while also managing an existence of their own. Parents or guardians are responsible for the safety and behavior of their children, for teaching them values, and for counseling them through life's difficult choices and trials. Just as one might say about most teens, their parents or guardians are most likely doing the best that they can and are entitled to make a mistake every now and again.
It is the responsibility of the teenager as well as his or her parent or guardian to take an active role in building a solid base for their relationship. All parties should make a concerted effort to spend quality time together on a regular basis, not solely chatting about the day's events or sitting at the same table for a quick meal, but sharing their feelings and opinions as well.
In spite of how hectic their lives may seem, teens are strongly encouraged to show interest in the lives of their parents or guardians. By demonstrating to their parents or guardians that they are able to interact in an adult manner, teenagers are much more likely to be treated as such.
While speaking with their parents or guardians, the same universal communication tips mentioned in previous columns apply. They should show their parents or guardians that they are paying attention through both physical and verbal acknowledgment. Both sides should try to restate the others' point to make sure that everything was properly understood. Without becoming overly emotional, teens should express their feelings freely, but without accusations.
Teenagers can even let their parents or guardians know that they are doing a good job in communicating by showing appreciation for their help, by seeking their advice, by remaining as open as possible about their problems and concerns.
Larry Deutsch is the Community Education Director for Youth In Need, a non-profit organization serving the youth and families of Eastern Missouri. Youth In Need has taken a "strength-based" approach toward helping teenagers, a method which stresses the empowerment of youngsters to solve their own problems. Youth In Need counselors avoid preaching or belittling clients and work to improve situations rather than searching for blame in them. The program offers personalized in-home visits, information and assistance on life needs, and opportunities to share experiences with peers. For more information please contact Youth In Need at (636) 946-0101.
 
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