YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ALONE TO BE LONELY

	In spite of being constantly surrounded by their peers during school, extracurricular, and athletic activities, many teenagers complain of perpetual loneliness.  For adolescents, a feeling of isolation can result from the transition from dependent child to independent adult as they form attachments outside of the family.  Remember that loneliness is not the same as simply being alone.  Instead, it is the feeling of being disconnected from others regardless of their spatial proximity or emotional connection.

	Feeling cut off is a perfectly normal reaction for a person to have, particularly following a major change in their life such as a move, a new job, a breakup, or the death of a loved one.  There are a number of ways that people tend to respond to this emotion, and these depend on the situation as well as the personalities involved.  Depression, anger, over activity, and self-absorption are all common reactions to this problem.  Some people may become withdrawn, self-critical, substance-dependent, or clingy.

	I recommend seeking out new acquaintances by taking a class, joining a sports team, getting involved with a political issue, or by welcoming newcomers to the neighborhood.  One terrific way to get to know new people while sharing one’s talents for the benefit of others is to volunteer with a local organization or cause of particular importance to that person.  If someone else appears to be lonely, they should attempt to befriend that person, remembering that it is the quality and not the quantity of friends that counts.  

	Whether they like it or not, developing friendships takes some effort and solitary people need to stray from their social comfort zone in order to achieve that.  Creating a positive image, which can be easily conveyed to others is essential to the success of this endeavor.  In order to exude a more extroverted person, it is important to smile and to make eye contact with others.  This individual should demonstrate interest in what others are saying, pay close attention, and avoid interrupting during conversation.  Most importantly of all, it is important to be true to oneself, making an effort to be more outgoing, but not pretending to be a person that one simply is not.  Finally, patience is a virtue when overcoming loneliness; building friendships takes time and there is no one on earth who is well liked by absolutely everybody.

	If the feeling of loneliness has become overwhelming, there are a number of resources to which you can turn.  Youth In Need provides strength-based counseling and support groups for teens as well as a 24-hour crisis hotline, (636) 946-3771.  Youth In Need also offers a myriad of individual or group volunteer opportunities.  For more information, contact Kate Tallent, Volunteer Director at (636) 946-0101 extension 335.  Larry Deutsch is the Community Education Director for Youth In Need, a non-profit organization serving the youth and families of east-central Missouri.  For more information please contact Youth In Need at (636) 946-0101.