ACHIEVING THROUGH ASSERTIVENESS

	Adults and youth alike can experience trouble asserting themselves in difficult situations.  The benefits of becoming an assertive person are undeniable; it allows you to say "no" to someone without feeling guilty, to ask for help when you need it, and to disagree in conversation without coming off as antagonistic.  Assertive people understand that they have a right to express themselves while at the same time respecting the right of others to do the very same.

	In order to become an effective communicator when asserting yourself, it is important to be aware of exactly what you are saying to someone.  Make sure that you state in very specific terms exactly what you want and why without sounding unsure of yourself.  Also, you should be aware of how you say this, making sure to maintain a calm, steady, and audible tone.  Don't forget to maintain confident body language and demonstrate that you are as good of a listener as you are a talker.  Perhaps most important is picking your spots as to when and where you make your point known.  It is usually best to keep private conversations to private spaces and to remain cognizant of your audience's frame of mind at the time.

	In order to be an effective communicator in interpersonal dealings, one must strike a balance between becoming non-assertive and overly assertive.  Non-assertive individuals tend to put the needs of all other people before their own needs whereas overly assertive individuals tend to put themselves first at the expense of others.  The common cause of a lack of balance in assertiveness is simply the behavior that we all learned as children.  Those who were discouraged at an early age from being at all forceful are likely to develop tendencies associated with non-assertiveness.  On the other hand, those who learned at an early on that they can almost always have things their way when they make a fuss about it are likely to develop an aggressive nature.

	In conclusion, if you remember to express yourself directly, honestly, and appropriately while respecting the right to be heard, you'll be on the fast track to assertive communication in no time.

Larry Deutsch is the Community Education Director for Youth In Need, a non-profit organization serving the youth and families of Eastern Missouri.  Youth In Need has taken a "strength-based" approach toward helping teenagers, a method which stresses the empowerment of youngsters to solve their own problems.  Youth In Need counselors avoid preaching or belittling clients and work to improve situations rather than searching for blame in them.  The program offers personalized in-home visits, information and assistance on life needs, and opportunities to share experiences with peers.  For more information please contact Youth In Need at (636) 946-0101.